According to Page Six, a source says Megan Fox is relieved her ex Machine Gun Kelly is moving on with Dakota Johnson, and per Just Jared, the word doing all the work in that sentence is relieved.
Relieved is the word you use when a warranty expires. Not happy. Not supportive. Not, as the press release of the heart would have it, thrilled for Colson. Relieved is the vocabulary of a woman who read the terms, initialed where it counted, and closed the file.
The reason is in the comment section. In March the ex left "Stoked I have your phone number" under one of her photos, in front of millions of witnesses who did not ask to see it. He did not even have to show up. The algorithm brought him. She blocked him, which is the celebrity version of a locked door, and he apparently treated the locked door as a suggestion.
Now there is Dakota Johnson, and the whole thing started at Taylor Swift's apartment. Every 2026 celebrity relationship begins in somebody else's living room, like a group project nobody signed up for. Per the People report, the new pair are in the "dating phase" but not ready to go official. In other words, the relationship is in preview mode. The launch date is TBD.
The only part of this story with a real deliverable is co-parenting Saga, who is one and did not consent to the sequel.
YOUR TURN: Is "relieved" the new "happy for you," or is it a breakup with a return policy?
PAPER TRAIL
- The source report: Page Six
- The rundown: Just Jared
- The March comment that started the ghosting: Just Jared
- The "dating phase" report: Just Jared
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